Confusion After A Ménage à Trois

Thursday | September 17, 2015

Love Letters Marriage

Confusion After A Ménage à Trois

Dear Meredith,

About eight months ago, during a slump in our 23-year marriage, my husband and I partook in a ménage à trois. Not one to be prudish, I will admit to it being a fun, once-in-a-lifetime experience. This woman was a stranger to us both, which made it more comfortable for me. It definitely brought us closer together and at least temporarily, fixed a dry spell in our relationship.

My husband recently admitted that he has been in touch with this woman, and would like to “party” again with her. I feel like I opened Pandora’s box. While it was something I enjoyed, I didn’t expect it to become a repetitive thing. I did explain this to my husband and he said he understood, but he will still, occasionally, bring it up. I know he would never cheat and that’s not a concern, but I also feel like I am now depriving him a bit. So I guess my question is, is this something he will eventually get over? He has said yes, but I am just not sure. I know the decision is mine whether I give in and do this again, I just can say without a doubt, I’d rather this not become a more regular thing. Again, it was fun and I enjoyed it, but I don’t have any desire to add this to our repertoire of sexcapades.

– Lingering in Lexington

It sounds like your husband is bringing it up because he’s not sure about the rules. You say, “without a doubt, I’d rather this not become a more regular thing.” But what does that mean? Will it become an irregular thing? If so, how often? Was it really a once-in-a-lifetime experience?

Sit down with your husband and come up with a set of guidelines for your experimentation. Make rules about who’s allowed to reach out to this woman and when. Talk about when, if ever, you might be open to this experience again.

Then tell him what you would like to add to your repertoire of sexcapades right now. It doesn’t have to be scandalous. I can be something simple, like more sex, in general. If you focus on what you want, it’s less about deprivation.

Readers? What are the rules here?

– Meredith

Marriage Sex 🖤