What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
My husband and I are celebrating eight years together, have a young child, and hopefully will have another baby soon. We are in love, and he is an incredible partner and wonderful father. I plan on spending my life with him and look forward to it.
I am the sole earner in the household, we are comfortable, and he is the main caregiver. I value his hard work and completely see it as equal value to making money.
Before getting married, my dad told me to get a prenup. My parents are divorced, and I told my father I wouldn’t because I had to believe this is my last relationship – my life partner.
What scares me is my parents got divorced after 20-plus years of marriage. I’m on year two of marriage. How can I know what it will be like in 18 years? I know my husband would sign a post-up immediately without question, but I don’t even know if I want to ask. Are postnups a thing? What does it all mean?!?!
Thank you for your thoughts!
They are a thing! It is very possible to “fix it in post,” as the saying goes. Google “postnup” and you’ll see a bunch of people who offer this service.
Basically, it’s a contract that allows everyone to know what’s happening with money – and what would happen if circumstances change. It can be as big or small as you want it to be.
How do you pursue this option without making everyone feel weird about it? First, maybe don’t pick the lawyer your dad wants. This is a team effort, and you and your husband are the team. Choose a professional together.
Also, you can start by meeting with a financial advisor – someone who makes you both feel OK – and ask what you might want to consider including in this agreement.
Remember, this document would be designed to protect your husband too. You value what he does at home, and this is an incredible time to show him that you’re always thinking of what he brings to the table.
I’d like to think that when a legal document is made in the spirit of clarity, respect, and protecting everyone, it doesn’t cause the strife we see on TV.
We like to pretend marriage isn’t a contract, but it is. It turns two people into something like a business. The more we recognize that, the better off we’ll when the business changes and, hopefully, grows.
Readers? Have you done this? How would you want to hear this idea from a spouse? Would you consider doing this now?
“I think this is a terrible idea. Your husband will wonder why you feel the need for this now but you didn’t when you got married. What has changed? He thought everything was just fine . . . until now.”Seenittoo
Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein
Stay up to date with everything Boston. Receive the latest news and breaking updates, straight from our newsroom to your inbox.