‘I’m So, So Close To Giving In’

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I’ve been married for 10 years and have a good husband (and sex life) and a great family. My husband is older and he works a lot of hours. He’s not the going out type because he’s always busy.

I have a male friend I’ve known since high school, and we’ve been communicating and seeing each other from time to time. We have started developing feelings for each other. We haven’t had sex, but I’m so, so close to giving in. I’m afraid that if I do, our friendship might not be the same or things might get worse. Feelings might become more intense. I don’t know what to do but I really do like this friend. We’ve shared our feelings with each other and he does know that I’m married. I’m sure he also probably has someone on the side, but I don’t care.

Is there any way that pursing this is right?

– Conflicted


No. Sorry.

You’re asking for permission to have an affair and you’re not going to get it. Not from this crew. Stop going out with this friend. Tell him you need to work on your marriage. Then do that. Honestly, you say you’re worried that your friendship with this other man might change, that it might become more intense, but it’s already there. This friend is, as you put it, is someone on the side.

Think about how you like to have fun with your actual partner. What do you both enjoy doing when you have time? When you’re together, does the marriage feel good? I ask because it seems like you’re trying to make it fail. You’ve been pursuing another relationship and have made it clear you care very little about the consequences. Why is that? Is it just about experiencing a new desire? Because that feeling will pass if you let it.

You want more time with your husband, which means you have to ask for it. Maybe there are things you can do to help him feel a little less busy. Maybe fun has to happen at a different time of day (if he works nights, morning fun is possible). Quality time doesn’t have to be about going out, especially in these times. Delete this other man from your life so you can focus on finding out if you can get more out of your real relationship.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this LW trying to make the marriage fail? How do you connect to someone who has to work all the time?

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