My husband and I have been married for six years (together for a few years before that) and we have young children together. My husband is a wonderful father and partner, but I am no longer interested in having a physical relationship with him, and this is causing a huge rift in our marriage. Even before having children, our desire for one another was always unbalanced. He always wanted more and I was always the one pulling away. At first this didn’t concern me because I just chalked it up to us having unbalanced sex drives. Now I am finding that my sex drive is actually quite intact, but I am attracted to other people, and still not desiring sex (or any physical intimacy) with my husband. I am also a sexual assault survivor and, through my own therapy, I’ve learned that it’s not healthy for me to go ahead and have sex even when I am not in the mood because it creates significant resentment and is triggering for me.

My husband has tried to figure out if there is something he can do differently to make me want to be intimate with him, but that leaves me feeling overwhelmed with guilt, and it leaves him feeling hopeless and discouraged. Ultimately, the physical attraction is not there, and while I love him deeply, it makes me question if I am still *in love* with him. I have shared with him how I am feeling; this has been both very painful but also necessary. He wants to continue to try to make our marriage work with the hope that our physical intimacy returns. I want to make our marriage work but I don’t necessarily think our physical intimacy will return, and I don’t think it’s realistic to maintain a long-term relationship without sex. Nor do I think it’s healthy or fair for either one of us. I am terrified by the idea of our marriage ending but I am also terrified by the idea of continuing a marriage with a large piece missing. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do for myself, my husband, and our children.

– Stay or go?