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My husband has this ex-girlfriend who comments on nearly everything he posts on Facebook. She’s been doing this consistently since I met him six years ago, and I’ve always thought it was tacky and disrespectful, but I figured it is basically harmless, and life’s too short to worry about petty things. That being said, it does bother me. Maybe I’m letting it bug me too much because I happen to know that my husband and this woman have gotten together a few random times over the years (after their initial break-up), and that he has cheated on past girlfriends with this woman. He told me about her early on in our relationship when we were talking about our pasts and dating history.
Over the years I have thought that maybe she doesn’t take his relationships with girlfriends seriously and that she’d cut it out once we were married. But we’ve been married for eight months now and she still has not stopped. My husband and I don’t use Facebook that often – he uses it more than I do and posts something maybe two or three times a week – but I’d say she comments on and “likes” 98 percent of every single thing he posts, unless it is something he posts about me – our wedding pics, for example, or messages about how much he loves me, etc. In those instances, she posts nothing.
Many times she posts comments mentioning their old life together (they lived together in college). It makes me feel ridiculous and angry with myself that I let something so silly bother me, but it just does. I’ve often wanted to mention it to him, but I feel like there is nothing I can say that doesn’t make me seem like a jealous child. And what can I say, anyway? Make her stop posting on your Facebook? That is just silly. I just don’t understand her because I would never dream of posting anything on an ex-boyfriend’s page, and most of my exes are not even my Facebook friends. Even though this is only Facebook and I know she lives hundreds of miles away, I feel like this woman is disrespecting my marriage and I just wonder what is (or is not) going on in her own life that she’s so interested in my husband’s. I’ve looked online for Facebook etiquette but have never seen an answer to this particular issue. Is this an issue of etiquette? Am I justified in being bugged by it? Should I just get over it or what?
– Feeling Silly
Etiquette is irrelevant here because she’s the problem, not you. Her behavior is odd and rude. If she’s going to like every one of his pics, she should like the one of your wedding, too. It’s also strange that she writes about her former life with your husband in such a public space, but … Facebook makes people weird sometimes. Her judgement is off.
It’s true, you can’t expect your husband to tell this woman to cut it out, but you can let him that it bothers you – because you’re human and you’re allowed to be bothered. You can ask him what he thinks of the behavior. Perhaps it would help to hear him say, “Yeah, she’s kind of horrible on Facebook.” It should be a conversation, not an accusation.
You should also consider minimizing her presence on Facebook. There are ways to filter what you see, and in this case, seeing less would give you some peace. You don’t want her daily Facebook activity to become an obsession.
Readers? What can she do about this? Can you see your partner’s exes on Facebook? Should she bring it up with her husband?
Eh… It would bother me LW. If I had the chance, I’d probably ask him why he thinks she feels the need to do that. I wouldn’t be confrontational about it. If he asked me if it bothered me, I’d be honest. But then, leave it up to him and leave it alone.? Jackieforreal
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