What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
In 2010 my wife Facebooked a old fling. It was someone she had a crush on through high school. She says she hooked up with him twice back then, but I think it was more and she does not want to admit it. She has bragged in the past while having a few glasses of wine about the size of his manhood (her story). Now flash forward 28 years, and we have been happily married for that long. She looked him up on Facebook and made initial contact. She never told me she did this and kept it from me until last year when I looked at her Facebook and noticed this guy as a contact.
Knowing about their past relationship, I told her I found it highly inappropriate that she had him as a contact. She agreed to take him off. Two months later, I noticed he was still on her contact and questioned her about it. She told me she had forgotten, and did take him off at that moment. I mentioned to her that I thought it was not in our best interest to contact this guy. She told me at that time that he made the initial contact, and that she had just responded.
Another two months go by and we are on vacation. I checked Facebook and found the contact from 2010. She had lied to me. Not only had she made the initial contact, she had followed him on Facebook for four years and told me nothing about it. We talked for days about it and she finally confessed that she looked him up and thought he was still as handsome as he was in high school. She later recanted that story and told me it was a harmless curiosity and just wanted to say hello to an old friend. She swears she would have never met up with him because she is not like that. However, early in our relationship she cheated on me with an ex. We were living together at the time. This person was older and they had a sexual relationship since she was 15. Also, my wife lost a lot of weight in 2010 and looked fantastic. What do you think?
– Facebook problems
I’m less concerned with her Facebook connection to this guy than I am about her dishonesty. She would have been better off telling you that she did friend this guy on Facebook, but that their online connection isn’t a big deal. Because Facebook friendship isn’t a big deal – unless you have to lie about it.
I can’t make guesses about her motives or about what happened in 2010, mainly because you told us nothing about your marriage, other than the bits about her 2010 weight loss and her infidelity at the beginning of your 28-year relationship. My advice is to stop obsessing about Facebook and the past, and focus on what’s happening in real life right now. Are you, in fact, happily married? Did her weight loss change how you feel about your connection? Facebook doesn’t matter much when you’re content and confident about your partnership. If you’re not, and the dynamics of your marriage have changed, you should consider counseling to work it all out.
Readers? Is this about the Facebook guy or are there other problems? Is the weight loss relevant? Manhood?
LW, I think it was wrong of your wife to lie to you about this, but honestly, I think this is more about your insecurity in the relationship than anything else. The weight loss tidbit tells me that you are worrying that now that she looks better, she’ll want to be with someone else. THIS is the issue the two of you need to address.dora79
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