Dear Meredith,

Here’s my love letter kvetch. My husband and I are middle-aged; he’s a bit older than I am, and we’ve been together a long time. Over that time, there have been losses, and also some really special parts of how we’ve “saved” each other. I’m also probably the sort of person who is always looking to improve things, looking for what’s wrong, addicted to relationship improvements.

Now to the problem. At our age, I’m realizing how much I need to pay attention to exercise and eating right in order to be in decent shape physically and mentally, right? My husband, not so much. Pre-pandemic, he was definitely one of those people who thought he went to the gym more often than he did. He does walk with me when I invite him, and he sees the positive in it. I’ve figured out that most days I can fit in a walk with him that’s not too much of a push, and then more strenuous exercise at another time in the day – and that I need both. But (and here’s where the question comes in) I actually think that physically, his “built for comfort, not for speed” body type can last pretty long – compared to my high need for movement. But there are days when I see a future of – if I don’t fall apart myself physically or mentally – taking care of a husband who has mental decline from this way of living.

I keep picturing that kind of future, not to mention that even if he’s reasonably healthy, he’s going to lose a lot of muscle strength. I’ll tell you right off, I’m not taking us to couples counseling over this. I do wonder: how much do I invest in helping him change, versus taking care of myself best so I can deal with whatever comes? And a second question: is this a love letter, or just an aging couple letter?

– Walking and Working It