Oh dear, the terms. The dreaded dating terms!

Sometimes trendy terms are good because they help us communicate feelings. Often, though, they’re confusing – and reductive. A lot of people have written to Love Letters to say they’ve been “ghosted” when really they just had a quiet breakup, with both sides fading away over time. I hear about “love bombing” frequently – we did last month – but sometimes it’s just genuine excitement that fades.

For readers who don’t know, pocketing is when you keep someone in your pocket, so you don’t introduce them to family and friends. It’s a term used to describe significant others (like this former letter writer) who have felt hidden. Letter writer, you’re the ex, so that’s not you. Your friend’s significant other isn’t being pocketed either, I assume, because a third party knew about them.

What is happening here? It could be that your friend is having relationship issues you know nothing about. Perhaps they want to have that drink to catch you up on what you don’t know.

The most important thing here (for me, at least) is how you feel – and you’re upset. Can your friend understand that and apologize? Will they answer questions now? You can find out whether their partner knows about you. Be clear about what you need.

Also think about why this has upset you so much. It is disappointing, especially because it sounds like you do share a lot of history with this person. But is it possible you were also excited to rekindle the romance? The answer might be a big “no.” If you were seeking more (remember, you did mention “overlapping” …), it’s OK to be disappointed on top of everything else. Take space for that reason, if you need it.

– Meredith

Readers? Would you continue the friendship after finding out you weren’t being told about a serious romantic relationship?