What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
What’s your relationship/marriage/dating/cheating/snooping problem? Send it to [email protected] or fill out this form. Also, former letter writers, do you have an update for us? Where are you now? Tell us whether our advice helped. Email [email protected] with “update” in the subject line. We’ll be back Tuesday, after the holiday.
We live in two different states – an 11-hour drive or four-hour fight away. We are friends from high school (he graduated in 1984, me in ’86). We reconnected through Facebook in August and fell in love instantly. We both agree that nothing like this has ever happened to us in our lifetime, but it feels awesome.
However, many states keep us apart. Also, his children and grandchildren are where he is, and mine live near me. What do we do? Do we sit back and see where life takes us, do we move forward with our lives independently, or do we take the leap of faith?
“We both agree that nothing like this has ever happened to us in our lifetime.”
That’s a pretty big deal, right? If you can swing it financially, try spending few weeks where one of you lives to see how it feels to be together all the time. Maybe it’ll be so wonderful that bigger decisions will be easier to make.
Grandkids are so important, but so is love. The tone of your letter makes it clear that you don’t want to let this go to keep the status quo.
The leap of faith can be small. It can start with an extended trip – from weeks to months. You can try being in both places, one at a time, to get a sense of what you’re missing. Create a financial plan together so you know what the experiment will cost. (Would the visiting person contribute to household expenses? Would they rent out their place at home?) After these trips, assess feelings. Maybe moving will be a no-brainer at that point, or maybe you’ll be out of love and ready to go back to the way things were. (For the record, I’m rooting for things to stay great.)
The question isn’t, “Should I drop my entire life for this relationship?” It’s about what changes you can make to get the best of everything.
Readers? Is it all or nothing? What should happen next?
Good luck! Try renting an airbnb or whatever near each other, so you don’t have the pressure of basically moving in together. Keep expectations low, but it sounds like a very nice situation 🙂LittlePenguin456
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