He Doesn’t Want Me, But I Still Want Him

Tuesday | November 23, 2021

Love Letters Relationships

He Doesn’t Want Me, But I Still Want Him

I learned so much about Boston transportation on Twitter yesterday, with people sharing tips for Cambridge to East Boston commutes. Apparently, the letter makes a good case for the Red Line-Blue Line connector. In other news, former letter writers, before the holiday, give us an update. Where are you now? Did we help Email that update to [email protected] with “update” in the subject line. Tell me what letter was yours and how it all worked out. And everyone, send your own relationship/dating/breakup/holiday questions to [email protected] or use this form.

I have a crush on a 70-year-old man, I am 74. He has said that he hates that I’m four years older.

We’re just friends – and long-distance. But he’s so kind, and we can talk forever. When I travel to his town, he sees me daily. When I leave, though, he hardly calls.

We’re somewhat physical; hugging, and there have been some great kisses. We also enjoy activities together like dining, dancing, and casinos. I told him I want more, which is when he set boundaries. Hugs, no kisses. (I should mention that he has issues with function, and that’s fine. It’s more about the intent.)

I want more. I was once married for 40-plus years. He’s been divorced multiple times. I’m having trouble accepting that he doesn’t want me.

– More

“I want more.”

You won’t get it with this man … but you know that.

The best way for you to get over this rejection is to let it become a real loss. You’re not grieving him because he’s not gone. Cut him off – really, block him if you’re tempted to reach out – and then be sad about the whole thing. After a while, you’ll remember what it was like to be single and looking.

Yes, you’re single now, but you wouldn’t know it. Your mind is tied up in a friendship-without-benefits, and instead of being open to others and new experiences, you’re thinking about what this could be if he were into it, and why he doesn’t call (or kiss).

Thankfully, he’s not a constant presence in your life, at least not physically. “Out of sight, out of mind” isn’t always how things work, but distance helps.

When you start thinking about him, do something else that second. Keep your brain busy. Even a game on your phone can be a nice distraction.

This is not a situation where you can stay friends. Any relationship with him is too much effort.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you move on from an almost-relationship?

Distance Friends Without Benefits Relationships