What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I met someone back in November on a dating app and the chemistry has been unbelievable. We’ve been seeing each other multiple times a week and talk every day. In February, I asked where he thought the relationship was headed and he said he was confused given that before he met me, he was planning to move out of our city for a change of scenery and to be closer to family. I was hurt, but he said he wasn’t sure what he was going to do and that he may stay.
I decided to just keep enjoying his company since he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever dated. More months have passed with us getting closer and spending more time together. I’ve met his friends and he’s told his parents about me. We started mentioning fun plans for the summer. Then he told me he has decided to move to that other city, a flight away. He said he still wants to see me and wants me to visit. I don’t know how to proceed. Should I cut it off now to save myself the heartbreak or ride it out, enjoying his last summer in the city before he moves? We both have agreed that if he was staying, we would be in a relationship already, which hurts more.
Does he want to try a long-distance relationship? What does he see as the purpose of these potential visits (besides the obvious)? Are you open to long-distance if he is? The first step is to figure out whether you both see this as an automatic breakup or if there’s hope for more.
If he does see this as an ending – or if you know you don’t want to try the distance – I’d take it day by day, really. It’s easy for me to say, “Cut him off so you don’t get even closer to him,” but I’m not the one who’ll have to know he’s right down the street all summer and very available to make your day brighter. I’m not the one who’ll have to pretend he’s not there. So see him if you want, on any particular day, and if the next day it doesn’t feel right – if it hurts too much – don’t see him. I endorse playing this by ear, based on your gut.
Also remember that depending on where you live and what boundaries you’ve had for the past year, you might have a list of other people you can see after a ton of physical distance. This man’s place in your world might be diminished because he won’t be responsible for so much of your happiness. Maybe there will be some nights where you’ll want to see family or friends, even if he is around.
This will be a summer of adjustments. It’s OK to be flexible based on your own needs in the moment.
Readers? End it now? Play it by ear? Try distance?
Ya know, other Letter Writers have used a situation like this to convince themselves that they are in a real long-distance relationship. They hide in that shell. The truth is they shut themselves off from a good life and hang on to a lie. I guess they feel it’s easier. It’s not.TheArtfulMoosedodger
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