I Don’t Want To Do Long-distance

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Dear Meredith,

A few months ago I met a man who I think might be the one. I’m in law school and he’s a young professional. We met right before I moved to Boston to start my program. He’s still in another city – about eight hours drive or a short flight away – and we’re both committed to our long-distance relationship. We’re very in love and we both see ourselves spending our lives together. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for him and that he’s the man for me.

The problem is that he’s applying to PhD programs and has no idea where he’ll be come next fall. Being in a long-distance relationship is much more difficult than I expected, and I find I struggle with it a lot. I can see myself doing it for the next year but beyond that I’m not sure I’d be able to (or want to). I want to live in the same city as my partner. My biggest fear is that I’ll be deeply in love with him by next year and that he won’t be in school in Boston. Thinking about having to be long-distance for a few more years upsets me. Thinking about having to end the relationship then crushes me. I’m scared of this big decision.

I feel like it’s looming over our relationship and will continue to over the next year. What should I do in the meantime?

– Distance


See how you feel in a few months.

This relationship is very new, as is the distance. You’re already hitting a wall – which is telling – but it sounds like it’s too soon to make any big decisions. That’s OK. Sometimes it’s best to let things play out and make choices when the best path is clear.

Also, his application process will pay a big part in this, right? He might find out he’s coming to Boston (I assume it’s on the list) or … Connecticut? New Hampshire? If so, that’s a lot easier.

You can spend the fall focusing on your own work, seeing how it feels to stay in touch, and figuring out if you even want to be in a relationship right now. Law school is a big deal – and it’s new to you too.

I understand you think this man is the one, but all you really know is that you’re hoping you can be together. Table all final decisions until you’ve had more Boston experiences, and he can give you answers about his future.

If he winds up choosing a school in Idaho or California or something, yeah, this might not be the best relationship for you. It would be sad, but it wouldn’t mean you’re missing out on the love of your life. Again, it’s been months. You’re still discovering what you mean to each other.

– Meredith

Readers? Decide now? Wait until later? How serious can they be right now?

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