“How do I let him know I feel uncomfortable with moving up north because I will be leaving my seemingly perfect life to live in a place where I don’t feel accepted?”

You can say it like you did in this letter. Detail the experience you have when you visit. Explain your concerns about how you’re treated by the people in his life. Has he noticed this behavior? Have you ever talked about it?

Also talk about why he’s so eager to leave where you live now. Would he ever be comfortable making visits home and staying where he is? What life does he seek in New England? How would he help you maintain the important relationship you have with family in the south?

I like the idea of the two of you trying long-distance for a year because it gives you both time to see what life really feels like when he has more freedom and time, and you have a better sense of what he seeks from his New England life.

It might also give you the chance to see what life you could build  in New England. Your boyfriend’s friends and family are his community, and of course you can share those people. But you’d make your own friends, find your own world. Some of us northerners can be very nice when we try. It’s worth exploring during a year of transition.

Honestly, maybe after a few month home he’ll be happy to return to you down there.

For now, though, I’d talk to your boyfriend about your experience here, and focus on making the visits more comfortable. I wouldn’t tell him he has a bad community (he probably misses his people very much). It’s more about where the two of you can build a good life together. You should be figuring that out as a team.

– Meredith

Readers? How can the LW talk about this? Should any decisions about location be made now? How would you deal with the New England family?