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I hate modern dating. I find it unsettling that the acceptable courtship procedures dictate a swift, yet faux, intimacy through text. If I get so much as a “good morning” text (let’s not even get into “wyd” or “u up?”) from someone I barely know, I’m creeped out and annoyed. I’m open to phone calls, but I’d like to actually go on dates and have shared experiences … build chemistry and get to know each other the old-fashioned way! I don’t want a bunch of texts cluttering my work day or my free time.
I want to be excited to see someone, miss them, and have things to share with them when I see them. In this age of online dating and fast romances, how do I convey my dating style preferences? Or am I just not with the times and need to acquiesce to modern dating? FWIW, I’m 34, so my age range (30-45) don’t seem to be super inclined to a slow burn. Thanks in advance!
– Slow burn
Texting might be the way someone else experiences a slow burn. A good morning text might be the way they say, “Hey, it’s morning and I’m thinking about you. Feeling the burn. Slowly.”
Also, when you meet someone online, that’s where you’ve started. With a swipe. With a message. It makes sense that someone’s next step is … well, another message.
It sounds like your concern is that these “swift” relationships are all texts, no real bonding. You can avoid that pattern by letting someone know you’re not a big texter. Say you like a phone call. Try a Zoom date. It’s a way to build a bond between in-person dates. It can offer more reveals.
Be clear about how you like to communicate, and try to be empathetic about how difficult it is to show interest. “U up?” at 2 a.m. is very different than “good morning,” in my opinion. Someone’s typed attempt to get to know you might be awkward, but consider their intentions.
I used to get frustrated when people’s first online dating interaction was “how are you?” because it’s such a big question (especially these days), and it’s so generic. Then I realized it’s difficult to know what to say. Set an example by asking questions you’d like to be asked, planning other ways of checking in, and telling someone what you like.
You’re not alone in wanting more than a very long text chain.
Readers? How do you get more than texts? Should the LW have more empathy for people on the other side of this?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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