He might tell her. Someone else could tell her.

Even if no other person tells her, it sounds like you’ll have trouble carrying this secret. That makes me think this is worth an uncomfortable phone call or FaceTime.

I do believe in secrets, for the record. People can have private experiences without feeling like everyone is entitled to the information.

This situation seems to call for a disclosure, though. Your friend’s breakup is new, the friendship itself sounds important, and you don’t seem to want to keep this information away from her. Maybe I’m assuming too much, but it sounds like you might want her to know as she makes decisions about the relationship in the future.

If that’s all true, please understand that telling her might mean losing her, at least temporarily. This kind of thing hurts, and she might not want to talk to you for a long time. Apologize and be honest about your part in it. Tell her how you feel about your friendship and that you want to make space for her to do whatever she needs. Listen to what she tells you.

There is no easy way to start the conversation. Try, “Hey, I want to talk to you about something.” Maybe the six-month break will be a good thing after that. It’ll give everyone time for some perspective.

– Meredith

Readers? Feel free to tell me I’m very wrong about disclosures here. Also, if the LW tells, does the ex get to know what’s coming?