What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
A friend of mine sent me your podcast episode on love and geography. Washington, D.C. is a tough town to date, but I know that has a lot has to do with me and my confidence levels.
But my question is about a recent situation. In short, I told a guy friend I’ve known since college (more than 20 years) that I liked him … via text. He has yet to respond and it’s been well over a week. Oddly, he sends me DMs of silly videos and comments on my podcast, so I know he received my text. I got up the courage to tell him only because in previous phone conversations and interactions, I felt like he was leaving hints that he was interested too. He’s also asked me to be a model for his photography class because he was attracted to women like me (his words not mine). My interpretation of his feelings about me could be wrong. However, we’re both over 35, single, and have similar upbringing. We grew up in the same state, our parents know each other, and he’s smart and just a great human.
His non-response to my text hurt my feelings a bit. I would’ve appreciated some acknowledgement, even if he is still processing. Should I follow up with him by calling or just cut my losses? Move on? I know I shouldn’t have texted him, but it was where I was at mentally and I really wanted him to know. I didn’t think I’d lose a friend but I’m kind of sad that I may have. Any advice would help.
– Single and Sad in DC
Don’t cut any losses just yet. If you want some specific answers, you should text/call and ask to see him in person. Then discuss.
This man should have told you he was reading your text, processing, considering, or even rejecting. That is absolutely true. But it’s possible he’s overwhelmed or confused about the note. Again, I’m not defending his lack of communication, but I do wonder if he’s sure about the question he needs to answer.
And the thing is, even if he responded by text, it’s very possible that you’d have trouble interpreting the message. If he wrote anything ambiguous, you’d want to have the talk again – in person, where you can understand tone.
If you get together and he tells you he can’t reciprocate these feelings, you’ll want to talk about navigating the relationship and how to move past this. A friendship of 20 years seems to deserve that kind of conversation.
Of course, if he refuses to get together or ignores your request to hang out (but continues to send funny videos), that’s when you can consider dropping the whole thing. But you’re not there yet.
Readers? Time to cut losses?
If you have known this guy for a long time, why the fear of just picking up the phone and calling him and asking him? My gut is that if he was interested he would have responded, but why torture yourself? You have two options -either call him (and be prepared that his response may not be what you want to hear) or let it go.HappyDazed
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