What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
Next year will be the 20th anniversary of a voyage on the open seas I took with my partner. We truly bonded with each other on this cruise of a lifetime, and though we’ve had our ups and downs over the past 20 years, I’d like to try and rekindle the spark that we once had.
With my partner and I being on icy terms, as much as I’d like to commemorate our 20th anniversary of the voyage at sea, I’m worried it may not be reciprocated. What would you advise?
– Cruising for the past
There’s this movie I revisit every so often called “The One I Love” – from 2014. It’s about a couple trying to find a way out of an icy lull in their relationship. That’s all I’ll say because there are weird twists, and I would never spoil good plot points.
I will say that there’s a good scene at the start of the movie where the couple jumps into a pool, trying to recreate a spontaneous moment they had when they were new to each other. The first time they do this pool jump, it’s romantic, giggly, sexy, etc. The second time it happens it’s forced, the pool is freezing, and the couple just wants to get out and go home.
I bring this up this because a cruise might not feel the same to you for so many reasons. You’re older, you’ve already seen a bunch of stuff, and you have more on your plate back at home.
My advice is to tell your partner that you’d love to take a trip to celebrate the anniversary of the journey. It doesn’t have to be another cruise of a lifetime. It could be a visit to one of the places you discovered back then, giving you more time to explore. It could even be a restaurant that serves something you ate on the trip.
The point is for things to be less icy – for the two of you to find new ways to connect. You don’t have to replicate a massive experience. You can do something new.
Readers? Does replicating an experience bring back the spark? How do you set expectations so they remain reasonable? What does it mean if the LW’s partner doesn’t want to take this trip?
“I want, me, my, …”
Maybe stop thinking about this only from your perspective? And then ask yourself whether that behavior of yours is why your relationship is now on “icy terms”?
Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein
Stay up to date with everything Boston. Receive the latest news and breaking updates, straight from our newsroom to your inbox.