Dear Meredith,

In 2010, I met a good man who lived near my father’s house in New York. He was from another country – one with political turbulence – and he had worked with my father for almost eight years. We started as friends. Then I fell in love with him. (I met him a few years after my divorce.)

We started a relationship in 2013, but it felt unstable because he was in NY and I live in another state. After a few months of dating, I found out that he had a wife and a daughter in his country. When I discovered that, I felt so horribly betrayed and ended it. He explained that he left his country because he suspected his wife had another man. As it turned out, when he returned to his country – which he soon did – his wife had another man living in his house.

During all of this, I tried to stay out of the picture. But because the situation in his country is very bad, he asked me for financial assistance to help him with the crisis. At first, I felt mercy and I helped him. But then I found out that some of the money I sent him was spent on nights out drinking with his friends. I told him I wouldn’t send him anything else.

Years passed, and he found me on Facebook and says he wants to get back together with me. He asked for my forgiveness many times. He says he was an idiot to keep secrets from me and that he does not want to be in his home country anymore. He wants to marry me, etc. But after all of these kind words and promises, he asked for money again.

I had started getting excited about him again – until there was another request for money. Also, my feelings aren’t what they once were because it’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I feel hopeless. What do you suggest I do?

– Unsure