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Time for some updates before our holiday weekend. First, an update from someone who was 39. Love Letters readers by and large advised me to take a break from dating – I did. I agreed that I needed a mental reset and and to reach a more positive place before resuming. In June I was ready to give it another go. I arranged two dates. One with a man who was 10 yrs my senior. He suggested we meet in a local cafe. When I arrived, I discovered he’d invited THREE FRIENDS to join us. I was not warned of this in advance, nor did they leave when I arrived. They awkwardly sat at the adjacent table, close enough to hear every word of our first-date conversation. However, we did not talk to them, and my date didn’t suggest they leave. It was so bizarre. It was a little better when they moved on and gave us some privacy, but I had zero interest in seeing him again after that introduction. I went on several dates with the other man over the course of June and July. He’s the same age, we had a lot in common, and I really enjoyed the time we spent together. However, I kept getting mixed signals and could not figure out where things were headed. He came on super strong, and he talked about a ton of things he wanted to do together – and then he ghosted. We were friends on Instagram, and the other day I clicked on another person’s username who’d liked the same post. Scrolling through her feed, I saw a ton of ‘bae and me!’ pics from the time we’d been texting and arranging dates. Coincidentally, she returned from a vacation in Ireland the same week he started ghosting. I sent him one of the pics in a PM and asked about her: no response. I let a day pass, and then sent her a pretty ambiguous message asking what this guy was to her. Turns out was his long term, current girlfriend. I scheduled STD tests. She broke up with him. He apologized to us both, but offered no explanation. He is of course angry with me for outing him. This time, the answer to “who’s looking to date me?” is apparently social weirdos and cheats. I’m on a break from it again. My doc who gave me the STD panel is also single and 40. She tells me she gets dressed to the nines for trips to the supermarket (and everywhere else she goes) with hopes she’ll meet someone that way. Maybe I’ll try that too. Oh yeah, I turned 40 in July. — Invisible (but not to creeps) Our second update is from a recent letter writer who needed to be patient. Hi Meredith, I wrote to you about a month ago about my relationship with a noncommittal woman. The issue at the time was she didn’t want to jump right back into a exclusive relationship after just ending another long term one with her ex. I’m happy to say we are now together in a defined and stable relationship, and I’m very happy with her. We both express our love for one another and always have a good time when we’re together. Basically, your advice worked. You told me to just be patient with her and try to understand why she was apprehensive about jumping back into things so quickly. She came around after a while, and of course, it wasn’t because I pushed her, but rather because she realized she cared about me and enjoyed being with me. Thanks Meredith, your advice to me definitely eased my anxieties a bit, as has your column in general, which I still enjoy reading. Hope you’re enjoying the end of summer! The final update is from someone who has seen Fatal Attraction. My husband and I heard from one of his friends that ‘Alex’ had a history doing this – that she’d been contacting him and probably a couple of others, too. That addressed two issues: 1. A weight was lifted from his shoulders that he’s not the only one she’s reaching out to when she needs someone and 2. It appeased my insecurities that the bond between them was special. I don’t care if he talks to other girls, but this particular girl and her methods didn’t sit well with me. He has many women in his life, some I’m friends with and some I’m not. I don’t have to be friends with them. I don’t see them as enemies to keep an eye on. We’ve even brought other women into the bedroom on various occasions. I don’t care, it makes him feel good. I want to thank the commenters for giving it to me straight! Yes, I know I got hilariously roasted but I needed an outside, unbiased opinion and boy, I got it! Thanks! P.S. Is it better or worse that I didn’t realize ‘Alex’ was the name of the mistress from Fatal Attraction? It was just the first one that came to mind. Or maybe it was a subliminal choice!
u0022Um, letter writer 3 left out a big detail in her original letteru002du002dthat they are in an open marriage (or at least open to threesomes). I feel like that was important to know.nnLetter 1 would make a good Lifetime movie. Interesting though, that if she had written us to ask if she should contact his girlfriend we probably would have said no.u0022 — ash
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