What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I have been living with my girlfriend for five years. She doesn’t do anything to contribute to the household. She doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry, contribute financially, or anything else – yet she complains that I do not show her any affection.
The fact is, I do not want to be involved any longer, but she cannot survive on her own financially. I only stay out of a sense of obligation and the fact that I would undoubtedly feel guilty when I leave and she is unable to make it. I am now facing serious health issues that have made me reevaluate my situation. I don’t want the end of my life to be like this. I feel stuck and it’s my own fault. What should I do?
– Unhappy on the North Shore
It’s OK to leave.
I assume you’ve talked to your girlfriend about your concerns over the years. My guess is that you’ve discussed what’s missing at home – from your perspective – and that you’ve asked for more help.
It shouldn’t be a shock for her to hear you’re unhappy. She’s having trouble too. You can’t show her more affection because it’s time to break up.
Make it clear that you no longer want to be a couple. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like this woman has been your girlfriend – in your mind – for a long time. She is a housemate, and that arrangement is no longer working.
If you have the means, help her get started with a more independent living situation. Give her a boost to make it possible. You say she can’t make it on her own, but is there anyone else in her life? Family? A friend who could be a roommate? She could also find a stranger to share her space. This is why people have roommates – to make a living situation affordable.
Tell her how you feel, come up with some moving dates, and make it happen. Use your energy to focus on improving your life. Call on any supportive people in your community to help make this easier.
Readers? How do you leave when someone is used to having your help?
She’s made it this far, I’m sure she will find someone else to support her if/when you show her the door. The sooner you do this, the sooner she’ll become someone else’s problem.TheBlog-Consigliere
Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein
Stay up to date with everything Boston. Receive the latest news and breaking updates, straight from our newsroom to your inbox.