Now That He’s Graduated, Are We Drifting Apart?


Dear Meredith,

I’m getting ready to graduate from college this spring. I had a boyfriend for my first three years of college, but ended our relationship last year. After that, I met a new guy. He’d always flirted with me. One day, I realized I was into him. The only problem was I realized that I liked him right before he graduated in December. Basically, for the last month he was in school, we were inseparable. He would take me on dates and sleep over three to four nights a week.

Once he graduated, we continued to talk and Facetime every day. He would always tell me he had strong feelings for me and if only the timing were different, we would be together. He has since moved far away for work, and we talk a lot about me coming to visit him and him coming to visit me. Basically a long-distance relationship without the title.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a weird vibe from him. My daily Snapchats and text messages from him have gotten few and far between, and I always have to be the one to request to Facetime with him. When we do Facetime, everything seems back to normal and he is his same goofy, flirty self. I guess my question is: Should I keep trying to make this “relationship” work? Or should I just go with the flow and allow us to drift apart like it seems we are doing?

– Drifting


The first thing to remember is that you are not his girlfriend. He explained that if circumstances were different, he’d want this to be a big relationship, but … nothing has changed. You’re still separated by significant distance. It’s lovely that you have fun on the phone, but there is no commitment or exclusivity here. Proceed accordingly.

Also know that the constant check-ins were never going to last. He has to focus on building a life in a new place – a challenge that can take a ton of time and energy. The drifting might have more to do with him making new friends, getting used to work, and falling asleep exhausted at the end of the day. Even if you were in a committed relationship, he’d need space to adjust to all of this change.

My advice is to keep in touch, but to remember that you’re single. Visit him if it feels right, and if you get confused about his intentions, don’t be afraid to ask.

Know that for now, at least, many things are up in the air. Your best bet is to put your own plans first.

– Meredith

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