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We’ll end 2018 with two updates and our Top 10 list.
Thank you to everyone who read the column and participated this year. Thanks to the people to came to book events. Thanks to the people who didn’t come to book events but sent support from afar. Thanks to the commenters I met for the first time this year. I met a particular one in New York City and was so starstruck I didn’t know what to say (that commenter knows who she is).
We turn 10 on Jan. 22. The traditional 10th anniversary gift is aluminum. Yes, we will celebrate.
Today, we’ll start with an update from someone who had doubts about living with a partner.
I wrote about moving in with my boyfriend of a year, wondering if it was a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake, but it wasn’t right either.
The anxiety I was feeling was the fact that I was with someone who’s a great person but not the person for me. I broke up with him a month after I wrote the letter. It was so hard to do because there is no doubt I cared and still care for him very much.
He moved out and I stayed. The lease wasn’t over and I could afford the rent. It took about a month for him to find a new place. We didn’t talk for a month, but then we more or less got back together. During that time I could tell he started wanting much more, but I could tell I didn’t. Ultimately our lifestyles were too different and I couldn’t picture a future with him. We ended it again. I told him I need space to move on even if its hard to do. We haven’t spoken since.
I moved back to the city. I really didn’t like the town we were in regardless of the relationship status. I am slowly trying to get back into a routine. There are times I miss him very much, but I don’t reach out. I miss the companionship and sometimes I feel very lonely. It doesn’t help that this is holiday season.
Sometimes I think I may never find that connection again, but I have to try. I’ve been on a couple of dates and it’s not the same as it was with my ex. I know that it takes time. I have been trying to go out with friends more often and am hoping to join a few teams during the nicer weather to get myself out there.
The next update is from a letter writer who was dealing with an affair.
I wrote the letter at the end of 2015 right around the holidays. I was very torn about what to do and I wanted to give her a chance. I will admit that it was a very difficult time for me. I struggled with the notion that no woman would want me being a single dad with three kids.
I gave her quite a bit of time and waited for her to get her head on straight. By March of 2016, I could no longer take the walking on eggshells and I made the choice to move out. I had filed for a legal separation and continued to pay what the agreement outlined. I thought maybe the separation would make the heart grow fonder however I realized once someone is in love with someone else the way she was, there isn’t much you can do.
Once I did move out though, I quickly realized she had no compassion, and I started dating. I had a decent time dating for the first time in 20 years but I made a lot of mistakes. In any case, I quickly began to realize that I had a lot of positive attributes that women liked. I started to build my confidence back. By August of 2016, we discussed a divorce. She was more than happy to sign the paperwork.
The happy ending however is I have learned to be a more patient dad. Also, late in 2016, I met someone. After about a year together, I introduced her to my kids. She has made me realize that finding your true love is an amazing feeling.
And now for the Top 10 letters of the year, based on page views. Yes, some are popular because they are about sex. But others? I think they’re just universal. 10. “Biting my tongue around my fiance’s sister,” Dec. 19, 2018 9. “Am I happy enough in this relationship?,” Feb. 27, 2018 8. “He likes to party with his female friend,” Feb. 23, 2018 7. “Hooked up with my friend’s boyfriend,” June 27, 2018 6. “How do you get out of the mundane routine of everything,” Feb. 16, 2018 5. “I regret sending nude pictures,” April 5, 2018 4. “The last naked photo he had was from three years ago,” April 25, 2018 3. “I’m not on the group text,” Aug. 27, 2018 2. “He texted my friend that she was pretty,” July 27, 2018 1. “I want more sex in my marriage,” April 13, 2018 Send your 2019 letters here. See you Wednesday. – Meredith
u0022LW 1, do you have to try for that romantic connection right now, though? What’s so wrong with taking a bit of time out from dating, concentrating on your friends and your own interests while you carry on getting over your heartbreak? Who knows, you might feel much more positive about dating after taking a bit of time out of the game.nnLW2, that was a lovely update to read.nnTo all my fellow commentators, Meredith and everyone who works on this blog, have a lovely Hogmanay tonight and all the best for 2019.u0022 – AuldYin
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