Dear Meredith,

Late last year, I delved into the world of online dating. Surprisingly, I met a wonderful woman. Yes, it was a shocker due to how much of a soul-sucking beast online courtship has been for me. I also met someone on Cape Cod, and anyone who has attempted finding love on Cape Cod understands it is a barren wasteland for a guy in his 30s seeking a soulmate who falls into his age group.

Over these last months, she and I have been ticking what I feel are all the necessary boxes. Going on multiple dates and building rapport, discovering shared interests, as well as simply enjoying time with each other. We’ve also defined the relationship – meaning we understand that we are exclusive. Everything is fantastic; she is amazing. However, I have a problem. I love her, and I am confident that I’ve fallen in love with her. This is causing me a great deal of angst. It is not the emotional dynamic that scares me. I have not seriously dated in years for professional and personal reasons. I feel like my comprehension of love now, as opposed to the past, has a much more serious feel.  Overall, I have two primary issues.

First, do you think it is too soon to say “I love you?” I suppose it is somewhat ridiculous to pose this question. I’ve looked into the subject, and the internet yields conflicting advice. The fear I have is that speaking those three words will be too much for her too soon. Even with this ever-present fear, I still want her to know how I feel. Unequivocally.

Second, if you feel I should say it,  how do you think the conversation should go down? No, I am not thinking about making it into a whole ordeal with champagne, etc., but I do not know if it should be casual. Let’s imagine I’m leaving her place and I just say “I love you.” Or should it be a different setting? I truly do not know, and I definitely do not want to mess things up.

Any advice you could offer on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

– In love