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Dear Love Letters,
My husband and I went to a couple’s home for dinner. They are new friends, and we had a very nice evening and really enjoyed their company. At the end of the evening they asked if my husband could come back another time to help fix something in their home and he obliged. I went away for a night and he went over to help them; he says he did this so he could “get it over with and not have to spend time away from me to do this task.”
Then we had a community function in our town where volunteers hosted a BBQ. I was away again, and my husband, along with this couple, worked at the event. The next time we saw the couple the woman gave my husband a hug goodbye. This really made me anxious. Is my anxiousness justified?
I don’t know the details here, but based on what you’ve shared, I think your husband likes this couple. That’s great because you like this couple. They seem to keep him company when you’re busy, and the woman’s hug suggests she appreciates his time.
A lot of people in my life hug everyone, especially people they’re excited to know. In fact, as a non-hugger, I’m constantly dodging people who hug everyone they see at the end of the night. Sometimes it takes me five extra minutes to leave a dinner because everyone is hugging everyone else.
There hasn’t been any lying here. No secrets, only shared activities. If you don’t feel comfortable with your husband doing social activities without you, please think about why. Friends are nice, and space can be healthy. You can’t be everything to each other.
I won’t say your feelings are justified, but they are useful – because they speak to the marriage, in general. You want to be in a relationship that feels good, even if one person is making new friends.
If you need to talk to a therapist about why you’re feeling anxious, do it. Exploring the discomfort might make the marriage stronger.
Readers? Would you be anxious about this hug?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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