He Stopped Talking To His Friends

We did have a letter yesterday. Today’s is for friends.


Dear Meredith,

My longtime friend met a girl on Tinder just over a year ago, and in the past year they’ve gone from boyfriend/girlfriend, to moving in together, and finally getting engaged. My biggest issue is that he basically cut off all of his friends from his life, myself included. He really only talks to one of our friends and that’s only because he works with him. I would have to say that this is pretty out of character for him because over the course of being friends with him for years, he went from being a social butterfly to almost avoiding people, other than his fiancé, all together.

At this point I’m more concerned with his well-being than him being my friend. He seems to be under her control and any attempts to reach out to him from any of his friends from before this relationship are always returned with some excuse as to why he can’t hang out with them. I’m pretty sure if I say anything about how unhealthy his relationship is it will be met with silence or anger. So essentially, is it worth saying anything, or should I just keep my distance and hope for the best?

– Concerned


Tell this friend that you’d like to hang out – that you miss his company – and leave it at that. It’s not your job to make big generalizations about his relationship. It’s not up to you to decide whether his partnership is healthy; you don’t know enough about how it works.

Some people disappear when they find a significant other, but it’s not always a permanent loss. It’s possible he’ll reach out when he has more time, when the wedding is over and life feels more routine. Not everyone is great at balancing new responsibilities and relationships. This happens with kids and jobs, too. People go away – and then they come back.

For now, check in and invite him to things. Even if he can’t come, he should know you’re there, available when he’s ready.

– Meredith

Readers? Is he gone forever?

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