“… I know sometimes it’s just that a person needs to feel heard.”

This is very true. So … hear her. Get together with her and talk – because she’s going to be your family, too. There’s a way to do this without framing it as a possible conflict. You can explain that you and your fiancé want a simple wedding and that you’re excited you’ve managed to pull it off. You can add that you do want the family involved, and then give her a few ways she can participate. There must be a way she can help.

I would not assume she wants something bigger and flashier. Based on what you told us in the letter, all she said was that she was feeling excluded. Remember that while some people fantasize about their future weddings, others daydream about what it will be like when they attend weddings for their kids. People want to feel like they’re part of that special experience, regardless of who pays.

Of course, this is Love Letters, so I’m most interested in your relationship with your fiancé. If you are unhappy with how he’s handled this with his mother, and you feel as though he’s left you to figure this out on your own, please let him know and be clear about your needs. Were you hoping that he would take part in a discussion with you and his mom? How does he feel about you establishing an independent relationship with his family? It sounds like you need to talk more about dealing with issues as a team. This is a good learning experience, so make it count.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the fiancé take a more active role in discussions with his mom? Should the LW follow his lead and let this go?