What’s your love and relationship problem?
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There is a very famous artist I’ve been seeing for a few months. I was worried it was a “situationship,” as we would always be at his place watching a movie, cuddling, and, of course, sexual intimacy. I decided to break things off with him as I felt I was being used, and that it wasn’t a real relationship.
We took some time off from talking (a month) and then he told me he missed me and would really like to see me again. We made plans. He picked me up, took me to dinner, and we spent time talking. We walked his dog at the park, and he said he would like to go to beach with me. Later, he said he wants to give me a job (I’m a college student). I can never tell what his intentions are.
Should I take the job offer? I really like him but I’m worried that working for him might ruin our chances at a relationship – or make my feelings stronger. But also, working for him would be a good opportunity and I would love to help him any way that I can.
Don’t work for him.
You’re already in a messy romantic relationship. That might be fine for now (it’s life experience, you seem to be decoding it, and you can walk away whenever you want). But a job? That’s something else. The power dynamic is off, and you haven’t been able to figure out boundaries. You don’t want to attach this relationship to your resume. Also, you need to be able to limit your interactions with him if you need to. What if you decided it was over, but you had to show up for work the next day? That would not be good.
Tell him you prefer to separate romantic connections from your work life. Then ask for a status update – because you need to know why he desires your company. If he wants to spend time with you and hook up occasionally, you can make decisions accordingly. If he wants to date and see where it goes, that might be OK – you’ll have to decide. Maybe he isn’t sure about his intentions, but he could be honest about that, at the very least.
You’ve already taken time off from him, and I suspect you’ll need to do that again in the future. Be prepared to walk away whenever it feels right.
Don’t let the “famous artist” thing affect your choices. You want to be treated well, and if that’s not happening, you can go. There will be other, less confusing professional opportunities. Look out for them.
Readers? Where are the boundaries here? Would it be possible to end the romantic relationship and shift the focus to work? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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