I keep thinking: remote work and a grad school program that will let you in.

Maybe doing work from another country doesn’t help with the visa situation, but it seems more possible these days to do things from other places. Also, I assume a few higher education institutions are always happy to take people’s money. Maybe not. I can only guess.

But here’s the reality: if you can’t come up with a plan in a few months – one that gives you a light at the end of the long-distance tunnel – go there, deal with your belongings, kiss the pets goodbye, and break up before this gets worse.

I’m not asking you to end your relationship and become romantically entangled with someone new. Don’t entangle with anything at that point, just give yourself a break to think.

You had seven months of quality time with this woman, and a much longer stretch away from her. Even if you moved there today, it would’t be exactly like it was before. You’ve both changed, I’m sure, and have very different routines. It’s not as though one path leads to definite happiness and the other leads to certain sorrow. Both situations would be something new.

Right now, everything is about your significant other. Without her, you could set up the life you want – from scratch. Then the choices you make would complement what you’ve built.

It would be heartbreaking to walk away from something that works so well in person. But I don’t believe in soul mates, nor to I believe everyone gets one magical partner. People break up for a bunch of logistical reasons; maybe someone has kids, and they have to come first. Sometimes it’s about geography; we just had a letter about two people who can’t figure out how to get to the same place because of a parent’s health needs.

You can end this relationship and find so much happiness. Yes, there will be grief and what-ifs, but starting from zero can be a freeing thing.

– Meredith

Readers? Practical ideas the LW might not know about? And if a move isn’t possible, time to break up?