National Best Friend Day is silly and so are all those other arbitrary ‘holidays’

One of these bears is secretly like, “Don’t tell this bear, but she is NOT my best friend.’’
One of these bears is secretly like, “Don’t tell this bear, but she is NOT my best friend.’’

National Best Friend Day is today, according to the internet.

Which brings up a thing that I don’t understand. And that thing is when someone somewhere decides that certain days are devoted to certain things that have nothing to do with the day that they’ve been assigned to. Things that don’t need days at all.

Mother’s Day, I get. Father’s Day, sure. Grandparents Day? Seems overtly Hallmark-y, but grandparents are usually adorable, so I’ll let it slide.

It’s when we start to get into completely arbitrary territory like National Peanut Butter Day (March 1) or National Squirrel Appreciation Day (January 29) that I think, okay, let’s take a step back and reevaluate just how important it is to officially pay homage to these things. Peanut butter is great, but last time I checked, it can’t read, so sending it a card would be a waste of postage. And nobody likes squirrels, except for the lady I saw the other day who was calling several by name and trying to put leashes on them at the Boston Public Garden.

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And then it enters the realm of the ridiculous. Did you know there’s a National Chicken Boy’s Day? According to this janky-looking website that lists “national days,’’ that day honors:

“A roadside icon which is often referred to as the “Statue of Liberty of Los Angeles, California’’, Chicken Boy is a statue of a boy, with a chicken head, holding a bucket of chicken. Standing 22 ft. tall, he was named after the former 1960′s restaurant that shared his name.’’

We can all agree that this is absurd.

But National Best Friend Day seems like an even more dangerous proposition than a random day devoted to doughnuts (June 5) or National Read a Road Map Day (March 5). All sorts of things can go wrong. What if you tag your best friend on Instagram in an adorable photo of you and they put up a photo of someone other than you with the hashtag #NationalBestFriendDay?

It’s a recipe for disaster. It’s the modern equivalent of that time in elementary school when your best friend got a friendship necklace, and then gave the other half to somebody else. And you were like, “Oh, cool, I thought we had something,’’ and she just laughed and pushed you off the monkey bars.

So to whomever made this day a thing, I’m not into it. Also, who did make it up? And can I make up a day? Because my day would be tomorrow, and it would be National Stop Naming Days After Things Day.

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Except that tomorrow has already been claimed. It’s National Donald Duck Day, and I am wildly unprepared.

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