Read the Facebook messages between Michelle Carter and Conrad Roy after his first suicide attempt

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Michelle Carter pictured in court Monday. Faith Ninivaggi / The Boston Herald via AP

Defense lawyers for Michelle Carter released pages of Facebook messages exchanged between their client and her former boyfriend, Conrad Roy III, before his first suicide attempt in 2012.

Carter, who repeatedly urged Roy to follow through with his plans in texts in 2014, appears to try to dissuade him from killing himself in the newly released exchanges, dating from July 2012 to October 2012.

Roy was hospitalized in October 2012 after overdosing on prescription drugs. In a nearly two-hour October 10 conversation following Roy’s hospitalization, Carter questioned her then-boyfriend if he was serious about wanting to kill himself and explicitly stated that she didn’t want him to do so.


“You [have] so much to live for please [don’t],” she wrote in one message, after Roy informed her he was still planning to kill himself — either by drowning, hanging, or overdosing again.

“Promise [it’s] not my fault,” Carter later wrote.

The 20-year-old defendant’s lawyers have argued that she initially pushed back against Roy’s suicidal thoughts and tried to get her then-18-year-old Mattapoisett boyfriend help, before eventually giving in and endorsing his plan. Roy was found dead from carbon monoxide poisoning in his truck in a Fairhaven parking lot in 2014.

Carter was charged with involuntary manslaughter in 2015 after investigators discovered her texts to Roy supporting and forcefully encouraging him to commit suicide. She has pleaded not guilty. Defense lawyers have said the at-times aggressive tone of Carter’s texts were affected by prescription drugs she was taking.

Read the full October 10 exchange below:

Roy: do you care what’s been happening to me

Carter: whats been happening?

Roy: uhhh stayed in a hospital last week

Carter: …why?

Roy: because l’m weak and sensitive and not sure why you even liked me in the first place.

Carter: was it like therepy? and becasue you made me feel special Conrad

Roy: yah i tried to kill myself

Carter: you did? why didn’t you tell me?

Roy: just remember I’m not the person you thought I was

Carter: how did you try to kill yourself? do you still want to?

Roy: no i’m not going to

Carter: you’re going to what?

Roy: just letting you know

Roy: the voices in my head tell me to

Carter: tell you to kill yourself?

Roy: I’m a freak

Carter: do you really want to kill yourself?

Roy: I’m gonna later

Carter: today?

Roy: sadly

Carter: you’re lieing. youre not gonna

Roy: believe what you want

Carter: youre not going to Conrad?

Carter: i bet you a million dollars you wont

Roy: I am

Carter: how are you gonna?

Roy: I have 2 plans

Roy: actually 3

Carter: okay what?

Roy: why do you wanna know?

Carter: just tell me

Roy: drown myself. or od on sleeping pills

Carter: whats the third olano

Carter: plan*

Roy: hanging

Carter: you’re not going to Conrad stop

Roy: I just wanted you to know. so if you text me and I’m not responding that’s why

Carter: are you being serious right now

Roy: I’m going to try my best and not fail. like last time

Carter: you wont bring yourself to do it

Roy: trust me you don’t know what it’s like to be me. an d done through what I’ve gone through

Roy: It might not seem all that bad it’s probably because I was too chicken to tell you half of my story

Carter: tell me it then Conrad.

Roy: no

Carter: why?

Roy: I don’t want to. I’m sorry Michelle

Carter: well are you seriously going to kill yourself tonight

Roy: 10-11-12 that’s what it tells me

Carter: todays the 10….

Roy: I know

Carter: so you have 1 more day

Carter: ….

Roy: nope tonight

Carter: Conrad stop. you’re not gonna do it

Carter: I know you wont

Carter: I don’t want you to

Roy: No I actually am

Carter: well when?

Carter: Conrad?

Carter: you nhave so much to live for please dont

Carter: is this my fault?

Carter: Conrad please your scaering me?

Carter: Please answer me Conrad i want to help you

Roy: It’s not your fault

Carter: are you really doing it tonight?

Roy: I’m going to try

Carter: no youre not

Roy: Yeah

Carter: how do i know that?

Carter: I have to go to practice now though

Roy: okay

Carter: so i’ll talk to you when i get backj at 930 right?

Roy: I might not be alive

Carter: Conrad yes you will be

Carter: I love you

Roy: mm

Roy: ok

Carter: just say it back

Roy: I love you too

Carter: thank you

Roy: welcome

Carter: you wont do it

Roy: you really want me to prove it?

Carter: i just know you wont

Roy: I’ve already tried, and I know what I gotta do

Roy: but it’s not at all your fault

Roy: I just have a messed up yea

Carter: promise its not my fault

Roy: head

Carter: because I will always believe it is

Carter: I could of helped you more

Roy: don’t I can’t leave that on your shoulders

Roy: I’m mean

Roy: *im not mean

Carter: Im just so sorry it has to be this way

Roy: It’s the path I chose to go

Roy: and I head about your grandmother 🙁 I’m sorry to hear that

Roy: have a good time at practice goodbye

Carter: i just want you to know that you were one of the most amazing guys ive ever met and you made me really happy that time in Florida and the day you came over, you made me so hapy and im so proud of what you accoplished with rowing and i admire how strong you were to go back to school and i will really miss you babe

Carter: and thanks its okay

Carter: are you sure you want to do this?