Media

New York Post publishes article listing the reasons ‘Boston Sucks’ ahead of AL Wild Card Game

They even made T-shirts.

An aerial view of Fenway Park in Boston. David L. Ryan / The Boston Globe

More than two decades after a few Boston residents created the popular “Yankees Suck” T-shirts, the New York Post has come up with a comeback.

“Boston Sucks.”

Creative.

But let’s at least hear them out.

On the morning of the one-game AL Wild Card playoff Tuesday night between the Red Sox and Yankees at Fenway Park, the Post published an article — bylined “By All New Yorkers” — about all the reasons why Boston, supposedly, “sucks,” along with some newly released, if not original, $30 T-shirts.

While the Red Sox have won four World Series this century and seven of the last eight series against their longtime rivals, the Post — using nicknames that no resident of either city actually says — argues the “Big Apple will always come out on top of Beantown – win or lose.”

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“Whichever team wins Tuesday to advance to take on Tampa Bay in the AL Division Series, Boston — not even good enough to be nicknamed ‘The Second City’ will surely never be New York — and here are just a few reasons why,” the confusingly punctuated article continues.

The list begins on a somewhat predictable note:

Incapable of making a good pizza. 

OK. Tell that to the good reviewers of Tripadvisor!

The article continues:

Use the word “wicked” to describe everything other than witches. 

The accent. 

The people with the accent. 

Ah yes, because New Yorkers don’t have accents. Anyway, people think Boston’s is wicked hawt.

Bill de Blasio roots for you. 

A reminder that even the mayor of New York roots for the Red Sox. The previous one did, too (even if he pretended to switch allegiances).

What other bad things about Boston does the Post have to say?

Drivers there get into accidents once, on average, every 4.4 years. That’s according to an insurance study that also found that Boston has the second-highest accident rate of all large US cities. 

OK, fair. But at least get your facts straight; it’s every 4.9 years now.

The Post goes on to take aim at Boston’s local icons.

Mark f–king Wahlberg 

John f–king Kerry 

Tom f–king Brady 

We think they’re jealous.

Pasquale “Patsy” Parisi from “The Sopranos,” talking about Boston: “That place is Scranton, with clams.” 

Clams are great. They’re definitely jealous.

Gotham. Big Apple. City That Never Sleeps. Them: Beantown. 

Again, literally no one calls it Beantown.

Having a “Happy Hour” in a bar or restaurant is illegal. 

We’re working on it.

People are too embarrassed to say, “I went to Harvard.” They say, “I went to school in Boston.” 

As if going to school in Boston is somehow better. 

It is though.

After losing to Islanders, coach of the Bruins was fined $25,000 for whining. 

Fun fact: No one here is old enough to remember the last time a New York team won the Stanley Cup.

Two seasons: Winter and road construction. 

Once spent $22 billion to dig a hole in the ground. 

Dunkin’ Donuts is considered fine dinin’. 

Listen, we stand by Dunkin’ in this household.

The Post lands a few other shots, from flannel (come on, flannel is great) to Boston’s rap scene (OK, it’s hard to compete with Jay-Z, Nas, and Wu-Tang) to Faneuil Hall, “the world’s first and most overrated food court” (no comment).

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They also knock Boston for not being as “rude” as New Yorkers (???).

But the piece ends on perhaps the most dubious claim about Bostonians.

They would all move here if they could.

Pretty doubtful. But hey, it wouldn’t be the first time New Yorkers got a bit cocky.

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