If you’re going to beg for money, don’t get caught on YouTube sitting in a late-model Fiat with a pile of cash. That, a lawsuit over the origins of Aunt Jemima, a study on Chipmunk purée, one politician’s internal debate between honesty and lying, and the one way you should never cut your bagel, today on BDC Now.
Panhandler Falls on Hard Times, Can Only Afford a 2013 Fiat
Getting caught in a lie is never fun, but thankfully most of our fibs don’t become the focus of a full-blown local news investigation. One woman in Oklahoma City has not been so lucky. She got her five minutes of infamy after a man saw her panhandling at a busy intersection then caught her counting her haul in the driver’s seat of a 2013 Fiat. In the YouTube video of their confrontation, the man claims he had to skip meals after donating to her and expresses outrage that she was driving “a better car’’ than he was. Well, after the video got a reported 37,000 Facebook shares, KWTV got involved. Finally, a journalist get some answers and set this story straight! Sort of. The station’s crew found the woman at that same intersection and were able to ask her about the car, but all they got was this not-so-friendly statement: “I don’t have no car. Get the hell away from me right now.’’ Well, that settles that then!
Men Suing for Their Piece of the Pancake
Once breakfast locked up the coveted “Most Important Meal of the Day” title, there was a lot of money to be made. Diners started serving the meal 24 hours a day. We got houses dedicated to pancakes and waffles. Big Breakfast was booming. So it comes as no surprise that two men are suing Aunt Jemima for “$2 billion and a share of revenue from sales’’ of the famous instant pancake mix. They claim their great grandmother was one of two women who served as the inspiration for the brand’s eponymous and iconic character, and argue that her contract entitled her (and her descendants) to “a percentage of the moneys or royalties received’’ each time her “name, voice, or likeness was used.’’ That’s a lot of silver dollars and, while Quaker Oaks claims there never was a contract, a federal judge in Chicago will decide whether or not the two men are getting short-stacked.
The One Time It’s OK to Use the Phrase “Chipmunk Purée’’
If there’s one thing we can take from this state-by-state guide to the most common roadkill, it’s that the world needs more data on roadkill. It is unacceptable that deer and armadillos are getting credit as America’s most common vehicular victims, when squirrels are clearly the overwhelming leaders. Half the time, drivers can’t even tell when they’ve hit a bushy-tailed acorn hoarder, so of course their deaths are under-reported. You can lie awake all night convincing yourself that the squirrel darted back into the woods, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Squirrels are the silent victims of America’s car addiction, and it’s about time that we put together the facts and figures to prove it.
Colorado’s Governor Just Won Our Hearts
Dear Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper, some people fell for you when your state became one of the first in the country to legalize recreational marijuana. But our love for you didn’t blossom until we saw you deliver this perfect duet of quotations to the International Business Times. “Any governor that looks at [legalizing recreational marijuana] before we see what the consequences are, I would view it as reckless.’’ And then, later: “I think for us to do that without having all the data, there is not enough data, and to a certain extent you could say it was reckless. I’m not saying it was reckless because I’ll get quoted everywhere, but if it was up to me I wouldn’t have done it, right. I opposed it from the very beginning. In matter of fact, all right, what the hell — I’ll say it was reckless.’’ Oh man, this is a work of art. Right up front, we get the standard strong politician making a bold statement about policy. Then, just moments later, Hickenlooper realizes what happens when politicians make bold statements and starts walking it back. And finally, we get the delicious, begrudging acceptance that his bold statement is out there already and it’s too late to do anything about it. This is quintessential politician, and it makes us so very, very happy.
Stop Doing This: Mobius Bagels Edition
Hi, everybody. This is a public service announcement and we’re imploring you to follow it: Do not cut bagels into Mobius Strips. This is the worst idea, and yet somehow it’s back. After equally stupid Internet iterations in 2012 and July of this year, Laughing Squid is giving love to a bagel-cutting method that makes literally no sense. Yes, we know that some people like the quirky idea of a “mathematically correct breakfast,’’ but when “mathematically correct’’ also means “nightmare for spreading condiments and adding toppings,’’ the madness must come to an end. Just go ahead and pause this latest travesty at 2 minutes and 21 seconds. That freeze frame alone is reason to not do this. There is cream cheese all over her hands. Her lox need to be held in place lest they fall on her lap or, worse, to the floor. There’s no way to eat this without being overcome with rage. Don’t do that to a bagel. Do it to a donut.