The writers over at The Onion seem to be big fans of Secretary of State John Kerry.
In its latest take on the former Massachusetts senator, the website—known for its at times absurdest satire—depicts the ever-diplomatic Kerry bare-knuckles brawling in the basement of a Bangkok prison.
“Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison,” read The Onion’s headline Wednesday, along with a photoshopped picture of an indeed-bloodied Kerry.
— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 4, 2017
Judging by the website’s previous articles, The Onion has a fantastically dramatic idea of Kerry’s day-to-day duties as the United States’ top diplomat. Here’s a sampling of other headlines from just the past few months:
- John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion
- Gaunt, Weathered John Kerry Leads Prisoner Uprising In Siberian Labor Camp
- John Kerry Scrambles To Stop Bunker’s Self-Destruct Sequence As Russian Oligarch Taunts Him From Bank Of Monitors
- ‘The Case, Mr. Kerry, Give Me The Case,’ Demands Malaysian Ambassador Holding Dangling John Kerry From Petronas Towers Skybridge
- John Kerry Jettisons Russian Henchmen From International Space Station Airlock
- Kerry Downs Another Vodka Shot As The Last Of Putin’s Security Detail Passes Out
It goes on, complete with more photoshopped Kerry artwork.