Behold, the lowest moments from the Celtics’ Game 1 destruction by LeBron’s Cavs

His name is LeBron, King of Cleveland, the NBA’s Ozymandias, but still resplendent in his glory. Look on the ongoing works of his Cavaliers, ye Mighty Celtics, and despair!
Nothing beside remains, except that No. 1 draft pick and pedestals yet built or crumbled, of course. Not to mention the rest of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Before you rebound from the decay of that colossal Game 1 wreck, boundless and bare, survey once more the most intense moments of suffering wrought by James on that lone and level parquet stretch of Causeway Street on Wednesday night:
From the jump, it went bad
Kyrie Irving puts in the first bucket of the Eastern Conference Finals!
WATCH: @NBAonTNT pic.twitter.com/axUUGzNuXm
— NBA (@NBA) May 18, 2017
Tristan Thompson got all the rebounds the mattered early
Tristan Thompson with the putback! #NBAPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/7BcBpWkhyU
— NBA on TNT (@NBAonTNT) May 18, 2017
Boston’s defensive rotations unspooled
Tristan is eating with an early 6pts and 5rebs. ? #DefendTheLand pic.twitter.com/jsWA8XBmiK
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) May 18, 2017
LeBron gave Kelly Olynyk the cold shoulder — then roasted him
LeBron turned his back on Kelly Olynyk while he defended him ? pic.twitter.com/OTckrxwmWg
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) May 18, 2017
He also went at every Celtics defender, in turn
LeBron gets off to a fast start in Game 1 on @NBAonTNT! pic.twitter.com/F6Hv4isBa3
— NBA (@NBA) May 18, 2017
LeBron is just picking defender after defender and giving it to him 1-on-1 like Magic Johnson at the end of the 1992 All-Star Game.
— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) May 18, 2017
Kevin Love was cooking, too
Kevin Love Goes 6-of-9 from three-point land, sets career #NBAPlayoffs high with 32 points! #NBAPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/YQ4Ss8rXX6
— NBA (@NBA) May 18, 2017
Mood ? #DefendTheLand pic.twitter.com/7q5yQggkuq
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) May 18, 2017
It was then J.R. insult to fake injury
This flop isn’t even in Marcus Smart’s top 25 pic.twitter.com/mhi085tLBA
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) May 18, 2017
Crying at J.R. ? pic.twitter.com/FT7DJkzsUB
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) May 18, 2017
that’s ok Marcus, I believed you
— CelticsBlog (@celticsblog) May 18, 2017
Even Isaiah seemed overwhelmed by James’ power and glory
Straps ?? pic.twitter.com/TXi1wNf6Qp
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) May 18, 2017
The best-laid double-team plans were undone
Double LeBron at your own risk https://t.co/NxXcFcLS7T pic.twitter.com/OAmj9MaD2u
— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) May 18, 2017
It was quickly more of the same in the second half
Horford goes for Love pump fake, picks up fourth foul 12 seconds into 3Q. Good times for #Celtics
— gary washburn (@GwashburnGlobe) May 18, 2017
Not even free points helped much
• Cavs score
• TNT gives the Celtics points
• ??? pic.twitter.com/xY114xqpCr— SB Nation (@SBNation) May 18, 2017
Kyrie activated the ‘scoreboard’ retort
Things get chippy & Kyrie tells Isaiah to look at the scoreboard?? pic.twitter.com/zBR6Bv9bG7
— NBA Gods (@SportsLeakers) May 18, 2017
But James kept putting up numbers
.@KingJames finished his 38-point performance with a ? 4Q! #NBAPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/3UXmFxowIW
— NBA on TNT (@NBAonTNT) May 18, 2017
Isaiah remained courageous — and on a poster
Isaiah Thomas attempting to block LeBron’s dunk is a severe mismatch but props all day pic.twitter.com/Ken4gN8pti
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) May 18, 2017
Grab on to me, Celtics. I’ll show you what it feels like to score.
-LeBron, probably pic.twitter.com/9WaYBYQxDV
— SB Nation (@SBNation) May 18, 2017
Lastly, a threat
https://twitter.com/SInow/status/865058131159781377