‘The Onion’ goes deep on Manny

If your grumpy self could use a laugh this morning after a late-night Red Sox loss, we’ve got a fun link here that might do the trick.

“The Onion,” the hilarious and popular satirical news website, comes out swinging on a topic that is right in their wheelhouse — the goofball antics of the one and only Manny Ramirez.

In the article — again, it’s satirical, meaning it’s not real but not too far from the realm of possibility, either — Ramirez is portrayed as oblivious to . . . well, everything, including his 50-game suspension for testing positive for performance-enhancing substances.

A few of the highlights of the piece, titled “Am I In Trouble?” This first one made me think the writer is a legitimate Sox fan:

“Being suspended is one thing, man, but not being able to play baseball is really, really bad,” Ramirez said. “I am going to miss baseball very much. I would like to tell everybody that I really love baseball, and that I love baseball, and that I am going to miss hitting the baseball forever and ever. I would like to end my career as a Yankee.”


And can’t you just see this happening?

Sources close to Ramirez have reported that when the embattled star is told that his urine sample contained traces of a women’s fertility drug, he typically giggles, extends his arms, and points his index fingers at whoever is trying to explain the predicament.

That is, when he’s not (satirically) pointing a finger at a teammate:

“If something is really messed up, I didn’t do it, okay? It wasn’t me. It was probably Brad,” said Ramirez, attempting to deflect blame onto Dodgers catcher Brad Ausmus. “He’s no good. I do not like him. He should be in trouble, not me.”

Funny stuff. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go read the piece about another mistake Brett Favre made with his right arm.

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