Inspired by an e-mail from a reader named Mike, I wondered if this scenario was possible …
Theo Epstein picks up his phone and calls Jed Hoyer. “Dude,” he says. “I traded old man Lowell to Texas, I’m moving Youk to third and I need Gonzalez. What’s it going to take?”
Hoyer: “I told you this before, Ellsbury, Buchholz and a prospect I get to pick.”
Epstein: “You can’t have Kelly. But I’ll get back to you.”
Epstein clicks off Hoyer and calls John Henry. “Mr. Henry, Theo Epstein here. I need $100 million to sign John Lackey and Mike Cameron, then I can trade for Adrian Gonzalez. The bridge is closed, we’re going for it.”
Henry: “Theo, why do you always sound so serious? We’re running a baseball team. $100 million? Sure. Larry has a plan to charge tourists 10 bucks just to look at Fenway from the street. $100 million is no problem.”
Epstein calls two agents and within a day signs Lackey and Cameron. The next call is to Hoyer.
“Jed, you can have Buchholz, Ellsbury and Westmoreland and I get Gonzalez and anybody you have named Ramon Ramirez. Deal?”
Hoyer pauses. “Sure, nobody pays attention to baseball out here anyway. They’re all out rollerblading. It’s a deal.”
The Red Sox then sign Xavier Nady to platoon with Hermida in left field and trot out this lineup for Opening Day:
You have to admit, it’s not implausible. If it happens, credit Mike.