Extra Bases

Red Sox can’t play during the day

The Red Sox are 2-8 in day games, the worst record in the majors. What can be the reason for this? Here are some theories:

1. Many of the Red Sox are from Bon Temps, La., and are actually vampires.

2. Financially insolvent players work as school crossing guards in the morning and don’t have time for batting practice.

3. Lack of sleep from staying up late for Bruins and Celtics playoff games.

4. J.D. Drew started a book club that meets for lunch to discuss “Women, Food and God.”

5. UZR somehow forgot to take day games into account, throwing entire run prevention theory out the window. Turns out Jason Bay was just fine.

6. Hard to see the ball in that bright New England sunshine we all enjoy so much.

7. All those shots of Patron the night before at Jerry Remy’s leave a terrible hangover.

8. At their age, Mike Lowell, Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek need frequent naps.

9. Players gather around clubhouse television to watch Scott Brown on C-Span, forget to take field.

10. Listening to irrational fans declare the season over on the Dennis and Callahan Show kills the mood during the drive to the park.

What’s your theory? Believe it or not, Pawtucket is 4-10 in day games. Clearly this is an organizational issue.

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