“I’ll never forget the first time I saw Gronk spike a football. It changed my life forever.’’
So begins “A Gronking to Remember,’’ a newly published erotic novella about one woman’s battle to stay faithful to her husband in the face of an unquenchable desire for everyone’s favorite tight end.
The book is the latest from Lacey Noonan, author of such classics as “Shipwrecked on the Island of the She Gods,’’ and “I Don’t Care If My Best Friend’s Mom is a Sasquatch, She’s Hot and I’m Taking a Shower With Her.’’
The book begins as protagonist Leigh catches a glimpse of one of Rob Gronkowski’s patented spikes while her husband, Dan, and a few of her friends are watching the Patriots play the Rams. Suddenly, the football-averse Leigh is entranced by what she’s seen.
“It jettisoned jiggling ribbons of electric jelly through my body and melted my knees like two pads of margarine,’’ Noonan writes.
Leigh’s infatuation with Gronk develops from there, with the above scene ranking as one of the book’s tamer descriptions, based on a quick skim-through. The author describes dozens of fantasies over the book’s 38 pages and, without offering spoilers, its ending includes one of the more, ahem, interesting scenes to ever play out on a football field.
It’s not an aesthetic masterpiece by any means, but “A Gronking to Remember’’ does boast a certain tongue-in-cheek, did-I-really-just-read-that sort of appeal — just know it’s definitely for adults only.