The rule of thumb is quite simple.
There are only four types of grown men that should be at a New England Patriots’ practice .
1: A coach 2: A player 3: A dad (with a kid) 4: One with a Patriots helmet tattooed on his head
If you do not fall into any of these categories, and you are a grown man, you should never attend a Patriots practice. Period.
Let’s take a look at this video, shall we? You will see a slew of grown men—some in full sprint—invading the Patriots practice field for the opening of training camp like a scourge of starved mosquitoes.
Watch it again. It’s OK to feel weird about it. You’re human. You should.
I am a Patriots loyalist. A nerd, even. I split season tickets. I wear a Dont’a Hightower Alabama jersey to the games. So you’re probably wondering what gives me the right to call out fellow Patriots fans who are just trying to get a sneak peek of a pinny-clad Gronk making sweet grabs in 90-degree heat.
Because sometimes in life, there are certain rules. Rules that, without question, you just need to follow. This is one of them.
If you’re seeking a Tom Brady autograph and notice not one head around you is above the level of your armpits, drop the Sharpie and walk away. Head to your car, drive home and buy one on eBay for $200 like a normal person.
A normal grown-ass man.
Notable Patriots newcomers