Fanning flames

Glendale, Ariz. is setting up shop for Super Bowl XLII in just about a fortnight, and that has the locals paying close attention to this weekend’s championship games in order to discover which fan bases will be invading their town.

Mike Kenny of the Glendale Sun – touted as the city’s paper of record – laments the fact that Patriots fans are most likely to show up for the game, calling them, “the least appealing guests.”

Take it from a Yankee fan from New Jersey n [sic] this is a worst-case scenario. The obnoxiousness torch has officially been passed from New York fans to New England fans, and the results have been extraordinary. Expect a lot of loud, inane dialogue about how the Celtics are better than the Suns, the Pats are the best team evah, and the Sox, well…just forget it. Wes Welker jerseys will cloud the beautiful Arizona landscape, many drinks will be spilled, and the desert will flood with the blood of meatheads. (Is that in the Book of Revelations? I sure hope not.) They will also undoubtedly criticize Glendale for not being Boston n mostly for being bereft of foliage and unattractive females n [sic] and each will brazenly display their insecurities by constantly mentioning how big of a Patriots fan they really are. (Oh, you remember Steve Grogan? Here’s a cookie.) It will be an awful experience.

As for the assessment of his hometown Giant fans:

Notoriously the most respectful and least-abrasive fans in the NFL, we should welcome them with open arms. Any city in the country should be happy to host these fine folk, whose civilized manner and passion for their team is unparalleled. Their drinking is moderate, their accents flawless, and they will surely marvel at Glendale’s lack of swampland. A must have.

Tremendous.

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